'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
