i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
