i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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