I swear she didn't look like that last week.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
