In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
