i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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