the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
