can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
