Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
