3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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