U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
