Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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