nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
