im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
