He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
