I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
