I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
