I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize