remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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