did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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