This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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