I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He shit in the fireplace
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
