Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
