Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
third nipple confirmed
Come back. Shots need mouths.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
