not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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