I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
That's intense
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
