Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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