Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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