member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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