Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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