After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
