Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
