I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
