Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
