She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
