I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
