i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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