My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
