question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
