the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
