We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
