There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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