Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
