We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
