he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
