I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
