my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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