Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
