how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Randomize
