she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
