She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
