is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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