she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
