this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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