the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i drank out of a bidet.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
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