i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
