The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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