I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
