she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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