drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
