ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
