I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
