is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
