1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
