rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
