the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
