I want to stick my p in your. b.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
