Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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