Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
