i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
