fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
